Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Wednesday updates; tumors and weight lifting and the orthodontist

I have a silent moment available right now at 7:45 in the morning. David has an orthodontist appointment at 9:30, so I decided to let him sleep here last night, and in 15 minutes I will go wake him up and get this party started. He needs braces, and this is his second appointment thanks to a screw up the first time.
I woke up 2 days ago and raised my hand to touch my neck and my finger found a lump yeah a lump in there... a smallish squishy lump, but yeah, a lump.Large enough when I take a picture of my neck, you can see it in there. I have an appointment tomorrow to have it touched and thought upon. Julie had a lump in her neck, a pleomorphic adenoma that grew and was removed, the surgeon had to peel her face off. And Mother has cancer lumps in her neck, same spot Julie's was... this is back an inch or so. I am not going to play. I shall intervene.
Yesterday was leg day at the gym. The one exercise I hate more than anything in the world is the one where you sit on the chair and lift your calves out, lifting the weights and it works your quads. Leg extension machine... I want to scream because anything after 10 is hell,and I go to 20. I hesitate at 15, but 18 to 20 is the worst, it burns. The weight I use on that machine is not much, BUT the hack squat, I added 20 pounds and did 3 reps of 20, so.   :)
When I got home I took a shower and I was laying on the bed, I flexed my leg and WOW it looked good. I don't see much because of the extra skin on my legs, but if I lift my feet to the ceiling all the skin shifts and I have some great legs underneath it all.'
I'll take my gains, thank you.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

hospital updates

There is an old wives tale about putting raw potatos on the soles of your feet to draw out fevers. I bought a big potato and brought it to my mother in the hospital. It worked. Overnight. No fever. She was discharged yesterday.

Then Shannon has had this issue with his eye for 2 weeks. We went to the ER for it 2 weeks ago, sinusitis. But the swelling in his eye never went away so yesterday we went to the ER again. This time they admitted him.. blood tests, another CAT scan revealed he has Orbital Cellulitis which is basically a bad blood disease in his eye. He stayed overnight. It was sucky to be home without him. I had spent all day Friday with him in the hospital. I left at 9 pm to go home to take care of the dogs and sleep, and was on my way back to the hospital at 7am to be with him.
He didn't pass out this time, I kept cold cloth on his face when they were taking blood and distracted him as best I could when they gave him his IV.
He's good now... home in bed sleeping...

Monday, May 26, 2014

swollen Mother

We went to see Mother today. She is all swollen, her face looked like a hamster. She is not comfortable, her fever goes between 98 and 104,it won't just be normal. That's where it stands.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

the hospital

Well Mother is in the hospital with a 102* fever. Melissa went to visit her with me. Today is the first time I have ever seen my mom sick in a hospital bed. She was sleeping when we got there. They say she has an infection but they can't find it. St Luke's..no shock there.

Memorial Day

I know I have Memorial Day posts here all over the place, I must have 7 years worth of them. Memorial Day is a big day for me. You've heard it all before and if not you can search here because I don't want to explain it again.
This year I wanted to have our own cookout for MY family and our friends. We got invited to Shannon's baby brothers house and I declined. I haven't been to their house in 3 years. I won't go to their house either, because they have a dog who can overpower me, and he has thick slobby drool that I prefer to keep off of my legs. They could tie him away from guests and if people want to play with him they could go to the dog, but that doesn't happen, and I can't tell other people how to run their homes, so I stay away. It's that simple. I keep our dogs away pretty much because nobody wants a dog in their lap when they eat... I get it. So I put ours away.
We have a good crowd coming, I even have a surprise guest coming that Shannon doesn't even know about.  ok now he knows because he's sitting right here nagging me <3 p="">Anyway, last weekend we had a mother's day cookout and all his family came.. and as you know we have been changing our eating habits drastically. This week I kept my calories around 900 if you want to be my friend on My Fitness Pal, my user name is Bedlamgurrl. Yogurt and 1/4 cup granola for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a Lean Body pre made drink for dinner. I wanted NO desserts here because one of us can't resist desserts and I don't want that one of us to ruin our Gains.
I found a nice little recipe that has oats, applesauce, bananas... raisins and vanilla I am going to make "cookies" of...no flour, no white sugar.. no eggs. See how it goes.
This cookout the rule again is no desserts and not one person complained. That's respect.
We work really hard at our bodies. I want to be as healthy as I can be.. and we need to be surrounded by people who understand that.
This year we are going to enjoy our own yard.I am, at least, I'll speak for myself... We have plans for 4th of July but everything else is mine. We have a cookout planned for Shannon's deaf friends to all get together, and I am going to have one for Julie's birthday, and then one for my high school friends.. and I can't help when other people get butt hurt about it, it's just the way things go.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

mother, mother

I emailed her yesterday just to see how she is feeling. She responded todaysaying she felt ok, then told me what they are giving her in her chemotherapy.

Comfort in, dump out

I asked her what I could do to make her feel better than okay. She said communicate with her. She said she has no idea what she did to make me leave her again and she cant fix it if she doesn't know. I told her she really needs to stop gossiping about people, she needs to mind her business.

This is going to be hard.
I'm going to an appointment with her on Thursday.
:(

Sunday, May 18, 2014

gains

My friend Rodney keeps using this word when we talk about working out. Gains. I thought it just meant to gain muscle, so before I start using it, I had to be sure.

Gains is best described as a lifestyle that many take to put on muscle and get into shape. 
The term has been popularized by thehodgetwins youtube channel.

However, gains isn't just about getting big muscles and looking lean. The complex lifestyle of making gains is commonly misinterpreted by the fat and lazy as simple meathead/roid user terminology. One will find that making gains consists of: the process of lifting, eating healthy, and making life decisions based off of ones health.

It can also refer to something that something that brings one great pleasure and be used to describe things or people.
"I've been making ALL KINDS OF GAINS"

"Lets go to the gym and make some gains"

"That bro looks pretty gainsy he must be doing roids"

"No, I'm not going to drink that beer. I don't want to kill my gains."

"Those eggs are straight up gains."

So now I know that's correct, I'll hash tag my upcoming Instagram pictures with gains.
We have made a lot of gains, and I can feel Shannon's gains when I hug him. I can step closer to him when we hug, too. We take weekends off the gym now,but yesterday we walked for a good 6 hours for an antiques show. (When you hit your 40's and have your own house, you might understand.)
This coming week we are restricting ourselves more. Breakfast will be yogurt and granola, lunch for me will be a half cup of quinona, 3oz chicken and mixed veggies, for him it'll be the same yogurt and a grapefruit. Dinner will be a Lean Body protein shake for both of us. And we'll drink lots of water. 
March 19 I weighed about 168, and since then I have lost 10 pounds. Feels good...

Thursday, May 15, 2014

chemotherapy

To say me and Mother have a rocky relationship is an understatement, but it was not always like this. Mother and I got along very well when I was small and was agreeable with everything she said and did. After I hit my mid 20's is when everything fell to shit. I became a stronger person and decided less bullshit was best, and was really very tired of the constant drama that surrounded me like a tornado whenever Mother and her brother were involved. The story really is a long one as I'm 40 now, so things have been really sour since at least 2000 to be fair.. I should save the stories for another time.
The most recent one just ends up with me letting her back into my life after a shut out over bullshit things and we haven't spoken since late September. I shut her out of my 40th birthday celebration, out of Christmas, New Year's and even Mother's day. I can honestly say I do not miss her.
I had a little cook out for Shannon's mom though, and she asked if his brothers were coming so he texted everyone to invite, then I figured why not ask Melissa since I love her and then a friend and another..and it turned into a nice first get together in our home. Melissa told me that my moms lymphoma is worse and she has to start chemotherapy this week and get it twice a month for 6 months. I blew it off... it is comical to me for the cancer to be found on her tongue, the muscle she uses most to gossip and say bad things about people she should love. Anywho a half hour later my father called Melissa looking for me, but No, thank you, I don't bother with him, either.I changed my phone number the turn of the new year. He has never taken a cab to see me, I am not worth the cab fare I guess.He blew off my 40th birthday, he did not respond to my Christmas card, and I did not get a happy new year call or a Valentine call so fuck him. But this isn't about him, I spitefully told Melissa to tell him to mail me a hand written letter and he will not.
So my mother is dying enough to need chemo and I feel no compassion towards her. I should call to comfort her, but I care more that she will be weepy and happy for a week, then her poison will settle in and within a month I will be sorry that I opened those doors again. I'll say to myself  "Stacey, you ASS"
but she is my grandmothers daughter.. and she is scared.. but if I call then she might think I am sorry for not calling and I am not.. or she might think I miss her and I do not, and she might think I am feeling wrong, but I do not. So why would I call her? So I have not.
My friend Maureen told me to read MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS and I grabbed it from the library and read it for 40 minutes at the gym today and a couple of the personal stories are just like mine and it made me weepy, but I still have not called her. I am on the fence...